Requested removal of the Part I interrogation scene and a 12-13-minute combined script. Wiki details guide continuity; not every development idea must appear. Draft 02 implements those instructions. REVIEW ONLY, not final screenplay or production approval. Draft 01 is retained as history.
Project-Jor-Parts-I-II-Screenplay-Draft-02-12-13-Minutes.pdf
14 pages: title, 12 screenplay pages, one pacing/continuity page. Estimated runtime 12:30, not timed/performed. Spoken words: 374. SHA256: 761ac8168ef6b22ae5bcbd4af92a167a77939078d4bd4c026b6d1e325c9989a2.
Archive: VYGOR SHARED/PROJECTS/Project JOR/Production Records/Writing/Scripts/2026-10-25 Review Draft 02. PDF, Fountain and version JSON locally hash verified; remote iCloud sync unverified. PDF attached here is independent backup.
Timing is an editorial estimate, not a performed or measured runtime. Target total is 12:30 (Part I 4:20; Part II 8:10), excluding titles/credits. Action overlaps and uses concise cutting; the first arrival and apparent victory retain breathing space. Test the trial aloud and block the final fight before locking duration.
The interrogation scene is removed. Part I starts with the civic procession; approved trial dialogue is retained. Six depart, Heavy dies on the ramp, five launch, Moustached Ungated dies during breach, four enter the final chamber. Specialist, Three-Scars and Deputy die there in that order. The deputy is the latest Asian male preference, not a newly named character.
Bomb remains on an independent chest frame after armour falls. The wall charge is separate. Laser passes from Specialist to Three-Scars to Deputy to Jor. Flamethrower survives until its attack. Repairs alter only the previously cut cable patch. Pods ascend straight upward; the Heavens is withheld until launch. Jor's final fate remains unresolved.
Standalone lift, spike/grapple trap and extended world-building galleries are omitted from this shorter version. Stairs remain. These omissions do not erase wiki lore or establish that the omitted events cannot occur in a later cut. Contact-based disassembly, physical sabotage solution and sensory attack remain proposed staging for review. Existing approved production material is preserved.
Parts I & II — Screenplay Assembly Draft 01 — REVIEW — 25 October 2026
EXT. CIVIC AVENUE / TRIBUNAL - DAY
Footsteps. Wind. JOR BARRACKSTON emerges from a civic building into sunlight. Rough face, broad shoulders, worn clothes. Hands free. Armed court officers escort him, weapons lowered. No Ungated.
The avenue opens around him: monumental buildings, immense drops, bridges and inhabited levels below. Winding aerial walkways broaden into little parks, lush with grass and trees. A seller stops serving. Workers beside a freight cradle watch him pass; a municipal humanoid steadies their load.
At the far end, the TRIBUNAL rises in pale stone and dark metal, three curved slabs leaning around an open void. Jor is tiny beneath it. He keeps walking. SUPER: ANYTH - YEAR 2473
INT. TRIBUNAL - DAY